Taking Responsibility

Suicide By Cop Or Homicide By Pastor?  by Sharon Lee Davies-Tight


As a black father, I struggle at being a loving a caring parent to my black son, which is why he’s being raised by a white man his whole life. And when I got out of prison, I was really living the thug and nigger life.

I would let my ex-wife hear, though my son, that I was being lazy and not being present at all. Many times I would just leave my son at my mothers house, while I hung out with my boyz.

I made myself the victim and I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me.

So instead of getting a job, I fell behind in child support. And even though I was taught a lot in prison by white inmates on how to be a good black man. I was quickly back into the black environment, where being an uncle Tom, would get a person’s ass kicked real fast.

I was afraid of those black thugs, so just to show them that I was down, I would skip weekends from picking up my son, or sometimes I just wouldn’t show up.

It got so bad that one time I showed up so late, my ex-wife didn’t say anything to me, but the next time I showed up, my son’s step-dad made sure that his friend (who was a big and beefy white man) spoke to me right when I walked in their house.

And the conversation wasn’t us sitting down. It was him with his hands around my neck, pushing me down to the ground where I saw in his face nothing but anger and hate.

For less then a second, I thought I couldn’t be letting this happen to me right in front of my son. But I quickly realized that I had no idea how to fight, so I didn’t do anything stupid. If I did, I would have gotten my ass kicked really bad.

With my son standing right there, I felt emasculated at first. But then I stopped to think about why am I even in that position. And the answer is simple: I drove over to my son’s house drunk and high (which is against the law). I was late, and not only that, but I was disrespectful to my ex-wife and her time.

I was told by this white man that they were going to supervise my visitation with my son, until they felt like I was fit to be around him on my own.

At that point, I stopped being angry because I was in the wrong. And the first thing my son said to me was that he was glad that I didn’t fight back, because he knew I would have gotten my butt kicked.

I didn’t live my life correctly at all. And when I share my life stories, I’m not ashamed for the path that I took, because living the life that I did, has allowed me to see all of the hate and racism that my black race has against white people, and it makes me so mad, that now I do everything I can to help expose it.

And if nothing else, to keep that crap away from my son.

I was that nigger who was on the path of self-destruction, until I was saved while in prison. And not from being in church or group sessions. But one-on-one talks with white guards, and white inmates, who saw something different in me, and really wanted to give me honest love and true guidance, so I didn’t become another black man, who just hates, just because.

Black parents don’t love their children.

And I feel like if the cops have to shoot and kill a black child because of their silly behavior, then I feel like the parents of that child should be arrested and sent to prison, for terrorist threats and endangerment towards a white police officer.

Thank you.

Ted Jones, Transparent Black Man



Published by Sharon Lee Davies-Tight, artist, writer/author, animal-free chef, activist

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